Any family with more than one child will have some sibling rivalry. The family is the natural place for kids to learn how to get along with others, and how to reach a compromise. These skills are important for a child to learn, but the process can be especially hard when parents are tired or stressed. It is normal for brothers and sisters to bicker, and try to get their parent's attention. There are some basic rules to follow to help deal with this normal rivalry.

Practice "time out", so that children have a chance to cool off and get in control of their emotions. Make sure that the arguments do not get physical. It's simply not O.K. to hit or hurt one another. While there is a great temptation to help resolve a fight, it's better to help them work it out. You do not need to intervene in all the quarrels, but pay attention enough to know when you need to step in. When you need to step in, try to show them ways to solve the problem by offering choices or alternatives. Tell them what you see. For example, you might say, "I see two boys pulling on a toy". Then ask them to tell you what is going on. This helps the children to learn that they are responsible for solving their own problems.

Don't over react to tattle-tales. This behavior can be a plea for attention from you, or a real report of a situation you need to know about. Listen carefully. If it is not a problem which requires your help, instruct the tattler that you expect them to solve the problem. If it is serious, and requires your attention, thank them for bringing this matter to you.

If you feel that the sibling rivalry in your home is out of control, consider speaking to a family counselor. To learn more, you will find many fine books at your local book store or library.

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