Disciplining your child is the first real step toward teaching your child about the rules of life:
* we don't always get our way,
* we can't do everything we want to, and
* there are limits.

There are limits to what we can do and to where we can do it. There are limits to what is acceptable behavior. Children need to have a clear understanding of these limits, or boundaries. They also need to know that there are consequences for their behavior. For example, a child needs to learn that throwing a tantrum in the middle of a restaurant is not appropriate behavior. They need to be told, as they start their tantrum, to stop or they will be taken outside or into the car, or taken home. The really hard part comes next - -you have to follow through and take them out of the restaurant or to the car, or to home. If children learn that you mean what you say, they will learn to behave the way you expect. If you are inconsistent, they will learn that what you say dose not count. So have very clear limits, and be consistent.

Children need to learn that they are responsible for their actions. They have the ability to control their actions. But you, as the parent, need to help give them alternative actions. If a child angrily throws down a toy, shouting "This never works right", you can help. Ask the child what happened. Suggest other choices, show them other ways to do it, or teach them to ask for help when they need it. When dealing with discipline, always address the child's behavior, not the child. Say "Spitting is a behavior that is not allowed". Do not tell them that they are bad for spitting. Tell them what they do right, not what they do wrong. Try to reward their positive behavior. For example, if you notice your child has been going outside to play with his or her ball, you can say: "I like the way you know to play ball outside". Positive feedback is the best way to reinforce positive behaviors.

Let kids know that it is OK to feel angry, but that the way to deal with anger is to express how mad they are with words. If you slap, hit or spank, it shows your child that you approve of hitting in anger. If you have questions about discipline, talk with your healthcare provider or a family counselor.

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