When one person in a family has a problem with alcohol, each member of that family is affected.

Family members often enable alcoholics to continue drinking by covering up for the alcoholic to keep drinking. They want to appear to be a “normal” family and may deny that a problem exists.

For example, a wife may “call in sick” for her husband who is too hung over to go to work. An older child may take responsibility for younger siblings because one or both parents is unable to take care of them.

Alcoholism and the Family

The effects of alcoholism on the family members are different for each person and the role he or she takes. “It’s a family disease,” said John Houlihan, MS, NCC, LEAP, a counselor with the Concern Employees Assistance Program.

One child may function as the hero – the one who tries to fix everything and take care of everyone to maintain a sense of normalcy. This person tends to excel in academics and extracurricular activities.

Another child may be the mascot – who plays the role of the family pet, tagging along and following other siblings around.

The lost child will exhibit problem behavior, breaking rules, acting out, and lacking direction.

Finally, the clown tries to make everyone happy and uses humor to cope with hurt and hide the pain.

“Children of alcoholics may not be able to express their feelings in healthy ways,” Houlihan said. “They may be more distrusting.”

Family members may feel ashamed and isolated and may be in denial about the problem. They may harbor feelings of extreme guilt and may believe the problem is their fault.

“Spouses and children should know that it’s never their fault and there are many avenues for help,” Houlihan said.

Children may also experience anxiety over the situation at home and are confused because the alcoholic parent may change suddenly from being loving to angry regardless of the child’s behavior. The child will likely be angry at the parent and may suffer depression because of being lonely and helpless to change the situation.

Getting Help

The first step in recovery is getting help for the alcoholic and family members. Support groups and professional counseling are the best sources.

Talk to an alcohol and drug rehabilitation center or Al-Anon, a support group for families and friends of alcoholics. Places of worship, employee assistance programs, local hospitals or community health programs are other good places to turn.